The Value of Female Friends

I told you I was going to blog more, so here I am again... thinking over my life.

We will start with last night.

In my town you can drop into yoga or zumba classes for about $10-$16 per session at various locations. I always wondered why you would pay that much for one class when you can get yoga and zumba classes on DVD for the same price and then you can use them over and over again.

But last night I thought - there must be a reason and I am going to go find out why. So at 7PM last night I dropped into a zumba club. Imagine a darkened room with a whole bunch of people dancing with disco-like colored lights flashing and loud, danceable music playing - yes it was like a dance club except everyone was zumba-ing. On top of that we were all dancing in front of a large window that covered the whole front of the club, so everyone outside could see us all inside. Since the club was by a restaurant there were a lot of viewers. It felt very surreal.  But it was fun and I felt it was worth it. Strangely you feel a connection to the others who were there even if you don't talk to each other. There is something about being in a group with other women that makes you feel like you have a life.

I was recently at Panera Bread with a group of women. All were 35 yrs old. or older. Some were single and some were married and we were discussing the pros and cons of marriage and singlehood. One women who was single and about 50 yrs. old was lamenting that at this point she felt so lonely that she would marry anyone at all that would ask her. I told her that marriage was not necessarily a cure for loneliness. Girlfriends in many ways fulfill a women's social needs better than male companionship. I think this really did make her feel better.

And that is one reason some of my long time friends who live in various parts of the U.S. are all getting together in Las Vegas in a few weeks. It is just for a weekend, but we are going to have a great time. I am really looking forward to this.

I never watched Desperate Housewives when it was on TV, but a good friend of mine told me to check it out on Netflix, so I watched the first couple of episodes on my Ipad while I exercised on my elliptical. I have to say that the show really reinforced my thoughts about the value of female friends. I realize that the show is not reality and is a bit over the top at times, but it shows something that is true - that sometimes only female friendships really nourish us and give us what we can't get from men.

That is not to say we don't get anything from men. For example, this morning Brook refused to go to school and nothing I was doing helped, so I woke up my husband and he picked her up on his big strong back and made sure she got on the bus. My husband refuses to do work around the house, but he pays for a housekeeper service. Also, my husband and I go on trips together alone and we go out to dinner just the two of us each week. We also see shows, movies and attend festivals together. Men can be great, but they are different than women. They aren't as nurturing. They don't LOVE conversation. They think differently. They often have different priorities, so even though they can be fun I feel that female friendships are essential to a rich and rewarding life.

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari Resolution: Start Blogging More

January is not over yet, so I can still make a resolution to blog more... although I have made this before - we will see if it sticks this time.
My motivation? I am reading an interesting book called: The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny by Robin S. Sharma and it recommends keeping a journal to help reflect on your life. So let's start with today.

I woke up early (6 AM) which I have been doing lately. The book says that this is a good thing.  This gave me some time to read emails and facebook before I did my usual routine of getting the kids up and ready for school and working my job for 4 hours. Sometimes my work gets hard, but I like having a job because it gives me enough money to make my own financial decisions without having to discuss them with Mike. It is also a way to feel like I contribute to society. The hours are fairly short and flexible, so all in all it is a good job.  In my last job I learned one thing about myself: I don't like working with men. I had a man boss and ALL of my co-workers were men. In my current job I work alone and my boss, co-workers and supervisors are all women- so it is perfect.  

After my work I thought about some of the things I had learned from my book.

1. "Think of your mind like a garden. If you care for your mind, if you nurture it and cultivate it like a fertile garden it will blossom far beyond your expectations. But if you let the weeds take root (negative thoughts) lasting peace of mind and deep harmony will always elude you." It suggests that you stand guard at the gate of your garden and do not allow negativity in. Only let the best information in. The quality of your thoughts equals the quality of your life.

2. Awaken yourself to the power of your own mind to make things happen. Once you do, the universe will conspire with you to work magic in your life.

3. Quiet your mind through meditation, yoga, natural surroundings, and positive visualization, imagine a place you can go in your mind for a retreat (like by a clear lake, or on a mountain, or on a swing over a bed of flowers, etc.)

4. To be happy (feel good) you need the following: healthy/natural food (vegetarianism), daily exercise, community (social), nature, cleanliness, self-love, knowledge (from good books), creativity, good relationships, financial stability, and spirituality. 

5. Set goals using the list above and work toward achieving those every day by keeping a journal and making a plan.

My goals:  lead a simple life (do less, spend less money), read and study good books and take classes, maintain friendships and meet new people, blog more (take pictures too),  exercise 6 days a week (elliptical, zumba and yoga classes, DVD home workouts), try vegetarianism and see if it affects my mood, enjoy my kids, do well at my job, don't interrupt people, don't have a temper, don't worry or regret, be calm, plan outdoor activities, no negative thoughts (this doesn't mean not ever getting upset - it means not harboring bad thoughts/feelings), live in the present, increase spirituality (through gratitude, prayer/intention thoughts, compassion, humility, patience, honesty and courage), treat others as if it is the last day I will see them, be silly sometimes, listen to great music,  have a calm-down time before sleeping (no TV, arguing, etc.).  

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I also finished watching a movie today called, " What The Bleep Do We Know?" on Netflix instant.  I was surprised to see how much the movie and my book parallelled each other.  They also tied into a movie I had seen before called The Quantum Activist.  Basically the ideas are that your thoughts are as real as what you see around you (based on quantum physics) and they make up who you are and what your life is. Your thoughts and beliefs greatly influence your reality and manifest in your life in various (sometimes unpredictable) ways, so take great care of them. 

After my movie, I offered to take the kids out to pizza. Like usual, everyone wanted to go except Brook who refused to budge. Usually in these situations I think of something that is coming up that she wants and I say she will not get it if she remains stubborn. This almost always works.

Yesterday at church Brook was in a rage because she wanted the Internet on the Ipad during church and we said no- so she was kicking and squirming and being loud, etc. She also refused to go to her class, etc. So she got to spend the entire Sunday with me after church. We played finger games, read stories, did a word search and watched Veggie Tales movies.  I think it helped. We haven't been spending every day doing this like I wrote in my last entry, but rather periodically when she needs some mom time.  I think she acts out when she hasn't received enough attention.

Anyway, back to today. We went out to pizza and as usual talked about politics, history and future plans. This reminded me how much I dislike Newt Gingrich. I am completely baffled by his popularity.  I can't even look at him without gagging.  Mitt Romney has not been impressing me lately either.  I don't like the way he talks about war/military (increase) or our foreign relations.  He doesn't sound diplomatic at all and he talks like America is elitist, etc. Anyway, I have started to think I might vote for Obama. I am still not completely decided due to the economy.       

After pizza we all watched a movie and had a treat. I looked over the kids report cards. All of our boys are doing well in their AP, gifted and honors courses. Brook, on the other hand is performing below grade level across the board. She gets lots of extra help with private tutors, but she is just not doing well. I am wondering if I should hold her back a year. 

And that leads us to right now. I have the rest of the evening to read and relax before bed.  We will see what tomorrow holds.

January Family Update

Life is good.

Everyday has something to look forward to.  At least for me, not so much for my husband who is in a highly stressful fellowship at Johns Hopkins, but for me - life is pretty great and pretty ordinary.

Every day I get the kids up and off to school. Then I work at my job until 1PM. After that I exercise on our elliptical while I watch Revenge reruns (series on ABC.com) or a Netflix movie on my Ipad or I listen to a podcast of some sort.

After a shower I hang out with Brook - at least this is the new thing we are trying in order to help her with her Reactive Attachment Disorders. We just watch TV together or read books, etc.

On Monday nights we have Family Pizza night and then we watch excerpts from Chicken Soup for the Soul and then have a family treat.

On Tuesday night I go to a meditation group - sometimes my husband comes with me. It helps me stay calm and less reactive to life events. It also helps me to live more in the present. This Tuesday I am excited about the New Hampshire primary. Although I am not a Republican I haven't been happy with Obama and so I hope a Republican takes over until we can get a decent Democrat or Independent in office. My first pick would be Huntsman, then Ron Paul and then Mitt Romney, but any of those three will do - the others not so much.

On Wednesday Brook and I go to therapy where we discuss all of her attachment issues and problems. Our therapist uses Neurofeedback which has been interesting. Basically the goal is to lower our anxiety levels so we can connect better. We do various attachment exercises.

On Thursday I often go out with various meetup.com groups that I belong to. They do activities all over the Baltimore area. It is fun to get to know lots of different people.

On Friday our family goes out to dinner - using coupons that come in the mail. We like to talk about politics or philosophy.

On Saturday I do the laundry, go to the grocery store and my husband and I go on a date somewhere together.

On Sunday we go to church and then I often tidy the house and we play family board games.

That is basically our life right now.  My husband is hoping these couple of years go by fast because his fellowship is grueling, but I am taking my time and enjoying life.

Catching You Up On Our Family Reality TV

I realize that we have been living in the U.S. now for about 3 months, so there is no excuse as to why I have been absent from this blog for so long.

Well, the reason is that I got a job. A real job. Last year I did not have a real job, so I had a lot of extra time to blog. So I will probably post in this blog once or twice a month to keep people up to date on our family, but that is about as much time that I have to do that.

So, what has been going on with us?

First, I got a job as a Peer Review Assistant. I invite scientists to peer review submitted research papers for publication into a scientific journal. This is not as easy as it sounds because the scientists are not paid to review the papers and I have to find peer reviewers for every paper submitted. I also have to make sure the scientist's specialty relates to the paper and sometimes that is not clear to me because I am not a scientist.

OK enough of that boring stuff.

In other news, we have had a lot of rain. This rain included a hurricane (Irene) which blew down the only tree in our front yard. OK it blew down half of the tree and we had to pay someone $500 to get the other half of the tree removed. Then another $120 to buy a new replacement tree. But to look on the bright side, the tree did not fall on our house.

We have been fortunate to have a lot of visitors in this new house. We were happy to have had our cousins and parents visit, but unfortunately the other visitors have been as follows: a cricket in our bedroom, ants in the kitchen, roaches, mice, spiders and a snake in the basement. In Korea we rarely had any insect problem. I think it is because we lived on the 5th floor of an apartment building.  Maybe. And yes I did say snake.

We have some travel plans coming up: Ocean City, MD, Park City, UT and Disney World. So some things to look forward to (minus the actual traveling part). It is strange that traveling to places like Thailand, Cambodia, China and Malaysia was normal for us and now it seems so remote.

We are loving the many restaurants in America. We have also attended a lot of festivals and shows. There is so much to do here!

I have just started a new social group - it is like a book club except we watch documentary films and discuss them instead. Our first meeting is in Oct. I hope it goes well. My son Adam thinks it is so nerdy.

Wow. I'm boring.

I am reading Bossypants by Tina Fey (who I love partly because she is my age- OK she is one year older than me - I have to point that out) and anyway- her life seems so pathetic too, yet interesting somehow. OK I realize that she is the boss of 30 Rock which is not so pathetic, but if you read the book you will understand what I mean.

I am painting our old kitchen furniture all purple. I was doing that the other day when I saw the snake. Don't ask me why I am doing that.

Tonight is exciting because all the new season TV shows start this week. That is what I look forward to. I also love that we have an elliptical machine in our house, so I can exercise and watch TV at the same time. Then, after I can do some sit-ups and push-ups on the floor side by side with the snakes, mice, roaches and spiders in our basement.

I also go to a meditation group most weeks. It helps me to be calm and centered. We all sit in a circle in silence for a long time. My husband asked me why I couldn't just do that at home. Sit in silence for a long time at home?? Are you kidding me???? I would get interrupted every 30 seconds.

That reminds me of the other night. I took Brook to her ice-cream social at her school. It was a zoo. No parking, crowded, long lines- all just for a little scoop of vanilla ice-cream. But she insisted that we go and stay. She got ice-cream and a Popsicle. She ate the ice-cream and then accidentally dropped the Popsicle so she cried and screamed and screamed and blamed me and told me she hated me and I was the worst mom ever and she was never going to talk to me again. I am talking about nonstop screaming at the top of her lungs for an hour. Even though I had nothing to do with her dropping her Popsicle.Ya- that is what I get to deal with on a regular basis because she has issues about being adopted and being pulled away from her birth mom and from spending the first 2 years of her life neglected in an orphanage. I get drama every single morning before school as well. I do have to say that she did come and apologize after her tantrum though which is a first for her.

And for the good news- this blog post is about done. My next one will be where I stand on political issues. Thousands will be waiting for that information, but for now you will have to wait.

Carolyn Flynn Counseling Services : Two Downloadable books on Grief and Loss

Here is a shout out for my sisters new website: Carolyn Flynn Counseling Services  

She is really excited about it. In her own words:

"I have been putting my therapy techniques into book and workbook forms to help a broader number of individuals, especially those who can't afford therapy. I now have two downloadable books available on my website: "Heal Your Grief" a guidebook with 12 effective therapeutic healing techniques for coping with death and loss with special instructions on how to help children cope with grief and loss, and "How to Communicate Your Emotions and Desires" a communication workbook that helps individuals learn how to effectively express themselves. I will be adding more workbooks and other self-help products in the near future.

So spread the word and help those who need these services and information. Thanks!